Yesterday, I blogged about the advice my male friends have for interpreting a guy's mixed signals. Now, I think it's obvious when someone texts you at midnight, asking what you're up to, that he's just looking for sex.
Today, as a follow-up, I want to talk today about another writer-lady's very smart advice on how to determine whether or not a guy is a player. But players will also send more innocent-seeming texts, saying stuff like, "Hey — spontaneous invite — wanna grab dinner tonight? I'm free tonight but will probably have to work late through the weekend. " While this kind of informality might come off as charming or enthusiastic, I think you should never agree to a last-minute plan unless you've already been on multiple dates with a guy — or unless you feel confident that he is pretty into you. It will make you uncomfortable or it will seem like a deviation from his typical behavior or both.
His insecurity is going to limit him in everything he does and everything in your relationship – he’s never going to trust that you like him (because he doesn’t like himself), he’s not going to believe in the long term chances of your relationship (because he doesn’t believe in himself), and you’re going to have to walk on eggshells around him all the time. Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Selfish” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really selfish… He’s always looking out for number one, and if there’s ever a decision he has to make, you can bet he’s putting himself first.
Why tie your life to someone who’s always going to put his needs before yours? Well, he could spend Saturday working on his resume so he can get out of his dead end job… He’s always in flirt-mode wherever you go, and he always leaves you wondering whether you’re the only woman in his life or whether he’s just sticking with you until he finds a different woman to charm.
If you are being played, it will feel like you are being emotionally toyed with or led on without any intention of building a relationship.
As for the stuff about texting: If he's doing any — or all three of those things — and you're not sure where you stand with him, or something seems not quite right, I'd be on guard. It may seem like he wants a relationship with you, when in reality, chances are that is not the case.A player may leave a myriad of people hurt because of his actions, especially if they are done in secret.You might want to say something like, "Texting can be so distracting — I'd really prefer if you e-mailed me or called me to make plans." Or else say, "Look, considering I don't know you very well, I'd prefer to make plans in advance. We recently discussed 8 signs of a toxic relationship, where some often-overlooked abusive tendencies came into light for many people.