I like to go ahead and act a little weird on first base, just to give them a taste for where they’re headed if they stick with me. ” Second base is a park play date outside of scheduled activities. I’m terrible at small talk, so if I survive this phase with another mom, then I know she’s either desperate for a friend or really into me. At this point, you’re hanging out because you want to and you set it up ahead of time. When you were dating your man, you ate dinners for which you didn’t pay and walked through doors that he opened for you. To my fourth-basers: I love you more than words can say. I’ll dust off my fancy jeans, we can eat Thai coconut soup and talk about not our kids. Fourth base for moms is so much better than dating fourth base. When you show up at the park for the first time with your little ones spilling out of the van (along with a healthy amount of cups and dirty napkins, if you’re like me), scan the swingset for anyone you might recognize, and notice that all the other moms are already hanging out in pairs, you realize that your dating years have only just begun.Home run (or rounding the bases, scoring a run, hitting a home run, scoring, going all the way, coming home, etc.) is the act of penetrative intercourse.
If the batter returns all the way to the home plate that is called a home-run, which is also a sexual metaphor we will get to later.
A man and woman are talking; she's sitting on the back of a chair with her feet on the seat, and he's sitting on the floor facing her. Woman: So how far did you get with her? Then down the 50-yard line, and right past her ten-pin. When you were dating your man, you wore incredible outfits and said, “Oh this old thing? If you love gluten-free, feel free to talk about it. Just don’t start talking in absolutes, making broad, generalizing statements, because you may never make it to third. They might feel like this: Third base is a play date at one of our houses. You better have the relational stamina for this kind of commitment. Just because you want to, not because you’re killing time while your kids do their thing. One fourth-base mom date will last me for a couple of months. When you date other moms, you pack extra baggies of healthy snacks and push doors open with your face while schlepping car seats. Never use while discussing homeschooling, gluten, gun control, breastfeeding, marriage, red dye number 40, infertility, or Jesus. If there’s a subject that might cause you to stop blinking and/or breathing, save it for fourth base and don’t unleash it at the park. Feel free to bust out your full-blown honk laugh, talk about how soy gives you diarrhea, and how you worry that you’re a crappy mom. There’s dessert, staying out till the security guard kicks you out of the mall parking lot, and no walk of shame as you crawl into bed next to your racked out hubs. Dating for moms is super fun, and you just might get lucky.]]